Take a deep breath . . .

So I'm in D.C. And after almost two days of mentally cursing at my computer (I was too afraid to do this out loud, lest it hear and decide that I should be royally fucked over), it is now working. But it has left me bitter. And my hatred of technology (but really, when I say technology, I mean my ass-hat of a computer) has increased substantially.

Ok, quick recap before this bitch dies (and I"m referring to the computer). I spent Sunday in the Seattle airport. And by Sunday, I mean all mother-fucking day. 9 am to midnight.

Sea-Tac, just FYI, pretty much sucks ass.

But I got a lot of work done on some projects, and I effectively used my time. And then Lynette and I got drunk-ish on someone else's tab. So actually Sea-Tac, not so bad.

We got into D.C. at 8 or so Monday morning (estimated time of originally scheduled arrival: 4 pm Sunday--thank you blizzard in Chicago), showered, and headed off to the Archives to work for a few hours. Unfortunately, since we had had maybe 6 hours of sleep since Saturday, our working time was probably not very productive.

Solution? Hitting a bar in downtown.

Judge not, lest ye be bitch-slapped by travel delays. We earned our happy hour.

And then we went back to the hotel and slept for about 12 hours. And it was pretty sweet.

Tomorrow my stalking of Don Geronimo shall begin. And by begin, I mean continue. And by stalking, I mean listening to his show in the same timezone that he's in.

Bald Britney and Scenic Hawaii: The Beauty of Ace's World

Ah, three-day weekends. I have accomplished 90% of the work I needed to and I still have tomorrow. So score for me. Unfortunately, my productively translates into few fun stories. I saw a movie yesterday, but it was pretty boring. The highlight of it was when the man in front of me laughed like a little girl, which in turn set me off into a giggling fit. Which might have been ok, except that it was a sad movie. Some young girl had just died, and I was attempting to curb my laughter. I'm a treat to take into public.

Anyways, since I have few fun stories (except did we all see that Britney Spears, in her ongoing journey into Crazyland with stops at Narcoticstown and Whoreville, has just shaved her head?), please to be enjoying the following pictures.



This is a Japanese meditation garden. The beauty of it isn't even negated by my lack of photography skills.




This is a waterfall I hiked up to. In the 70 degree weather.





Seriously. A rainforest. I was in a rainforest.





This is why I didn't go swimming in the ocean while there. The coast was a bit rocky. Oh, and sharks live in the ocean. And sharks eat people.




I hate that vacations have to end. Sigh. The sunset in Pullman is not quite as arresting. Sigh. Luckily, I'm leaving again soon.

Ebay Adventures

Sigh. Stupid computer. Stupid internet.

I had a bid on a specific item on Ebay and I didn't win because my wireless connection wasn't working. So some guy outbid me. And I'm sad. Although, maybe that was God's way of telling me that I didn't need a Tiki carved to look like Elvis.

No, that can't be it. How could God not want me to have that item? It was awesome.

And by awesome, I mean horrendously tacky. In fact, Laura referred to it as, and I quote, "The tackiest thing I've ever seen." Awesome.

At the very least it was unique. Luckily, I did win some film cells from the fantastic movie Blue Hawaii. So that's something.

Don't judge me.

No massacres today, thank you

So happy pseudo-holiday, everyone. My policy is, if I have to work, it's not a real holiday. The only exception to this rule is, of course, my birthday. For some reason, banks and government offices are still open on my birthday, but we all know it is a real holiday. In the Land of Ace.

Anyways, it's going to be a busy week, so I'm kind of glad for this *holiday* if only for the chocolate that seems to accompany it. Since really I have nothing to report or comment on, I'll just refer everyone to Brian's site and his laws for men.

Oh, and quickly: the Christmas tree situation is not resolved. The tree is up by the dumpster, but the trash-collectors won't pick it up because "the Christmas tree disposal season is over." Shocking, really, considering it is the middle of February.

Enjoy the day. And the candy. And heart-shaped cookies.

My Own Private Oliver

I spent four full days in Hawaii, and I have no tan to show for it. But I do have lots of pictures, which, just to warn people, you will all be seeing if you stop by my office. Willingly or not, the Hawaiian slide-show will be playing.

Ok, so Hawaii, for those of you who don’t know, kicks ass by the truckload. The temperatures were in the 70s and 80s while I was there. It was great. Short-sleeved shirts in February? Yes please.

I didn’t spend too much time outdoors, since I was technically there to work, but I did get to take some amazing hikes through Hawaii Volcano National Park. I went through rainforests, across a lava bed, along the shoreline, etc. It was awesome! One night, I made a three-mile hike to the ocean’s edge to watch the lava flowing into the ocean. And I was paid to go there! I love my job. I also got to see a waterfall and walk through a cooled lava tube.

This seems really disorganized. Let’s break it down by day, shall we? Yes, we shall, since it is my blog.

Day One: Technically began in Pullman. I left for the airport Sunday evening after watching the Super Bowl (read: gorged on less-than-healthy food, mocked Prince’s semi-erotic halftime show with his phallic guitar, and yelled out things about how much I love Peyton Manning). I slept at the airport because my flight was at 5 am and I had to check in by 3:30, and I live 75 minutes from there. My friends say I’m a heavy sleeper, and I think I proved this at their airport.

Day Two: Caught my flights, snored out loud on the six hour flight, much to the amusement/disgust of those around me, and called people from Honolulu to gloat about the weather. I’m a great friend. Checked into my hotel (which had a rainforest right behind it) and ate dinner with my boss. Fresh seafood and chocolate cake. My life is tough.

Day Three: Conducted the workshop and took a quick tour of the park. Fun times. We held our workshop outside since it was so warm. Last year, I went to Omaha for work. We did not conduct our workshop outside there.

Day Four: Interviewed some of the staff and went on long hikes. See above. This was the day I went on the ocean hike to watch the lava. Again, I love my job.

Day Five: Interviewed some more, and then did tourist-y things. This included going to a Japanese meditation garden, hiking to see the waterfall, waking along the shore, etc. I, of course, went shopping. Tacky souvenirs by the dozens! The only Elvis thing I found, though, was a book called Elvis in Hawaii. So that was a bit disappointing. But I did buy a tiki doll. And yes, I realize that this is offensive to the native culture, but every time I see it I make the Tiki Doll sound-effect from the Brady Bunch episode in Hawaii. Oh, and for future reference, Hawaiians don’t like it if all you want to talk about revolves around those Brady Bunch episodes or Elvis movies set in Hawaii (there were 3, FYI).

Day Six: Finished up work, walked around some more, and then caught my flight home. I had an overnight flight from Honolulu to Seattle. I didn’t sleep too much because Kicky VonLegspasm sat behind me. And she was 6, so I couldn’t yell at her. I arrived in Seattle at 5 am, and had to wait for my 8 am flight to Spokane. Which was delayed due to fog in Spokane. Delayed until noon. Which made for a cranky Ace, considering I was working off of little sleep (and this coupled with the knowledge that my Hawaiian vacation was over).

But I arrived home later that day to a very excited/lonely cat. She was a bit clingy my first night back. Wait until she finds out I’m leaving again in a few more weeks, and I’ll be gone for two weeks this time. Poor little Fat Skirt.

So that’s it. My trip was far more fun and exciting than what you are reading about, but oh well. I don’t want to rub it in too much and make everyone sad/jealous. Well, I kind of do, but I’m too lazy to type any more. And I have a week’s worth of work sitting on my desk.

Quick thoughts

Ok, so I’m back. I’ll be relaying stories from Blue Hawaii Tour 2007 maybe tomorrow. I’m still kind of tired today, so I just have a few things.

First, what are the odds that the one week when I have no internet connection and can’t blog that two HUGE things would happen? I hate being a Johnny-Come-Lately, so I really won’t put too much on this, but the crazy astronaut lady driving to Orlando wearing a diaper? Come on! Why couldn’t she have done this when I was in town? Damn. Adults wearing diapers to facilitate a murder attempt in a bizarre-o love triangle with NASA overtones? And I missed it. Sigh.

And the death of Anna Nicole. Sad this may be (she does have a little baby), but I just want to say that I saw a news show on the life of Anna Nicole and they referred to her as a legend in our time, much like James Dean and Marilyn Monroe. Really? Really? If by “legend” they mean “easy punch line for comics,” maybe I’d go for that. I mean, it’s not fair to speak ill of the dead, but here’s why she was famous: 1) Her ladies were gi-normous and 2) she married and possibly banged a REALLY old guy for lots of money. I don’t think that makes her a legend. Elvis is a legend in our time. John Wayne, too. Anna Nicole? Yeah, no. Laura says Anna Nicole is an example of our society’s fascination with people who probably don’t need our fascination: celebrity for celebrity’s sake.*

Second, for those of you who asked for specific gifts/souvenirs from Hawaii, I received said requests too late. Sorry. Please to be noting that my sister, in true family form, called and gave me a detailed description of what she wanted months ago. And her gift is sitting at my house now.

Third, the infamous Christmas tree is out of my lawn! It is currently sitting up by the dumpster (a mere 20 feet from where it was) waiting for garbage day. Whether this was the result of my neighbor noting that it is February and perhaps time to get rid of the tree, or if the landlord saw it and decided to finally take care of business, I don’t know. I don’t actually care. For the record, Maryanne won the Christmas tree bet. She chose February as the month. So congrats to her.

A new pool will be started on how long the Christmas tree stand will occupy its position of glory on the patio. I’m going to say at least until Easter. Any takers?

Fourth, I’m grounded from Ebay yet again. Self-imposed, please to be noting. Damn you, Ebay, and your immense collection of King-related memorabilia.

Fifth, lease is signed, security deposit is recorded, and Ace moves in less than five months. Goodbye, ghetto; hello, more debt.


*Hi, Paris Hilton. How are you?

Enjoy the ice

Cost of a new snow shovel: $9

My heating bill for January: $125

New coat, gloves, and scarf: $250

Knowing I will be in Hawaii (current temperature 75 degrees) for the rest of the week: Priceless

Blue Hawaii Tour 2007 kicks off in a just a few hours. See you in a week, kids.

Feb. 2

So glad it is Friday. So, so, so glad. I can't really see to type this, because my eyes are completely dry after staring at my barely-working computer all day.

I really have no fun stories to report, considering I was sequestered away in my office all day. So just consider this your friendly reminder that today is my two-thirds birthday. Four months to the big day, but I'll be accepting presents now. Enjoy the weekend.

R.I.P. Flashdrive

Well. It's been a long week. Very long. As anyone who has had a conversation with me can attest to. Because I don't think I was coherent in any talks. So that was fun for my students, I'm imagining.

My flash-drive died today. With all of my lectures, dissertation research, grade books, etc. Died.

Ok, that sounds sadder than it needs to, because I had everything backed up on my hard-drive, so I haven't lost a thing. But I'm so afraid that my computer is going to crash at any second (because it is also slowly dying), that I don't trust things as is. So I've been emailing myself EVERYTHING that's on my hard-drive.

Exciting story, yes? I weave quite the tale. It's amazing that some reality show hasn't decided to focus around me and my crazy life. The ratings would be through the roof.

Oh, so the best news story of the week involves my two favorite things: ass-hats and babies. And clearly by "favorite" I mean "least favorite." Japan's minister of health referred to women as "baby making machines." An elected official in 2007 said that. So hurrah for the feminist movement. We've come a long way baby.

Sigh. Maybe Japan should bring back their Elvis-loving Prime Minister. Speaking of Elvis and Japan, one of my friends is living in Japan now (doing research and making me wish I had chosen a different dissertation topic). She shares an office with a man I call Sil-vis. Because he apparently shares my affection for Elvis. And wears some Elvis-y type things. And has an Elvis hairstyle. Which is silver. It was blue, and he died it silver. Like a shine-y silver.

Ok, now I have to go eat some fast food to comfort myself and help me get through the loss of my flash-drive.