Stories of terror from the air!!
Catchy title, huh? Grab your attention, did it? It's not a tease, terrifying story is to be found below, but first . . .
Be prepared to mock: I think I fell in love with Omaha. Omaha, Nebraska. I can't even type that without smirking at myself. Who falls in love with Omaha? Apparently me. I'll get back to that later.
So my little work-trip was great. Lots o' good fun. For this post, I'll just sum up my flying fun.
On my first flight, I sat next to some college girl who apparently felt very close to me, as she talked most of the way. She didn't have a good sense of segues, either, moving rapidly from one topic to another with no discernible train of thought. Best example: "So I just visited my boyfriend for a week. God, I love him. I can't walk straight for a week after a visit!" She must have seen the look on my face, because she quickly clarified that little nugget by saying he had horses and they rode a lot.
On the way back, I had a four-hour layover in Denver. FOUR hours. Technically, four and a half, but after you hit the four-hour mark, who's counting? Four hours sitting in an airport makes Ace kind of grumpy, but luckily I had plenty of good reading with me. And my cell phone. I almost wore out the batteries. If you didn't know I was talking about my cell, would that have been the dirtiest sentence ever?
Yes.
The flight from Denver to Spokane was, uh, interesting. We hit some major turbulence. The guy behind me was praying out loud. I knew it would be alright, and I was more annoyed by the fact that I didn't get a refill on my coffee due to said turbulence. But that's me, always concerned about others. If, that is, "others" are me and my coffee.
Ok, so amidst all this turbulence, this little girl (like 3 or 4) starts sobbing. Heart-breaking, and I'm not being sarcastic. Seriously, it was the saddest thing I've ever heard (even more than hearing that Arrested Development ended last night. Seriously. What's up with that? Uh, okay back to the crying kid.) So she's sobbing, because it was pretty scary up there. Some ASSHOLE decided to yell at her to shut up. As much as I like to keep to myself on flights (I'm not big on making friends with the random stranger who's been assigned to sit next to me), I felt it was time to say something. I might have muttered something under my breath about him being a first-class jerk-off who was probably just envious that the kid could cry out loud when he was just a crying little pussy on the inside.
Uh, so he heard.
And responded by calling me a name. A less-than-flattering name. Something along the lines of a See You in Toledo.
Luckily, most of the other passengers had my back. Yeah, suck on that bitch! As we were all getting off the plane (because we did eventually land safely, although about an hour late), someone might have said to this ASS-MUNCH something along the lines of hoping he fell on his face on the tarmac.
As a self-professed expert on judging who is going to hell, I can say, with authority, that this mother-fu*&$er is going straight there. His hand-basket is waiting. Yell at a crying kid, my ass.
Ok, so more Omaha fun to follow.
Be prepared to mock: I think I fell in love with Omaha. Omaha, Nebraska. I can't even type that without smirking at myself. Who falls in love with Omaha? Apparently me. I'll get back to that later.
So my little work-trip was great. Lots o' good fun. For this post, I'll just sum up my flying fun.
On my first flight, I sat next to some college girl who apparently felt very close to me, as she talked most of the way. She didn't have a good sense of segues, either, moving rapidly from one topic to another with no discernible train of thought. Best example: "So I just visited my boyfriend for a week. God, I love him. I can't walk straight for a week after a visit!" She must have seen the look on my face, because she quickly clarified that little nugget by saying he had horses and they rode a lot.
On the way back, I had a four-hour layover in Denver. FOUR hours. Technically, four and a half, but after you hit the four-hour mark, who's counting? Four hours sitting in an airport makes Ace kind of grumpy, but luckily I had plenty of good reading with me. And my cell phone. I almost wore out the batteries. If you didn't know I was talking about my cell, would that have been the dirtiest sentence ever?
Yes.
The flight from Denver to Spokane was, uh, interesting. We hit some major turbulence. The guy behind me was praying out loud. I knew it would be alright, and I was more annoyed by the fact that I didn't get a refill on my coffee due to said turbulence. But that's me, always concerned about others. If, that is, "others" are me and my coffee.
Ok, so amidst all this turbulence, this little girl (like 3 or 4) starts sobbing. Heart-breaking, and I'm not being sarcastic. Seriously, it was the saddest thing I've ever heard (even more than hearing that Arrested Development ended last night. Seriously. What's up with that? Uh, okay back to the crying kid.) So she's sobbing, because it was pretty scary up there. Some ASSHOLE decided to yell at her to shut up. As much as I like to keep to myself on flights (I'm not big on making friends with the random stranger who's been assigned to sit next to me), I felt it was time to say something. I might have muttered something under my breath about him being a first-class jerk-off who was probably just envious that the kid could cry out loud when he was just a crying little pussy on the inside.
Uh, so he heard.
And responded by calling me a name. A less-than-flattering name. Something along the lines of a See You in Toledo.
Luckily, most of the other passengers had my back. Yeah, suck on that bitch! As we were all getting off the plane (because we did eventually land safely, although about an hour late), someone might have said to this ASS-MUNCH something along the lines of hoping he fell on his face on the tarmac.
As a self-professed expert on judging who is going to hell, I can say, with authority, that this mother-fu*&$er is going straight there. His hand-basket is waiting. Yell at a crying kid, my ass.
Ok, so more Omaha fun to follow.
posted by Ace | 10:55 AM
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