Mother of the Year

Hey, y'all. It's me, Britney Spears. I just had to respond to all the uproar over what I did the other day with my little 'un. If y'all don't remember, I had me a baby a few months ago! I's all grown up! I gots married to my hot and talented boyfriend, and I don't care what y'all say, we's in love and we's gonna be together 4-ever.

Since we love each other so much (and the marriage thing was getting old quickly, the press was focusing on other people!), we decided to have us an itty bitty baby. K-Fed was all, "It's cool baby, because I knows how to raise babies. I got a couple with that lady I was married to just a minute ago." So I got all fat and stuff and had me a baby of my own. After selling his first baby pictures, we quicky became a cute little family.

But now people are saying that not only am I a fat cow and white trash, but that I's a bad mom to my little un. So I just want to tell y'all what really happened. We wuz in my SUV, and I had my bodyguard run in to a store to buy me some Slim-Jims. The paparazzi all comes up to my car (K-Fed calls them the Pavarattis, and he's probably right. He's so smart. I love his corn rows. And his crazy talent!) and I got all scared. I was holding the little baby at the time, and I just hit the gas.

People are saying it wuz all dangerous for me to be driving holding little Sean on my lap, but in case the pictures don't show it none, my arms wuz around him! I wuz holding him! He wasn't just flopping around! Geez, people! Don't y'all remember how much you loves me? I sang about hitting me one more time, and I kissed Madonna! How can you be mad about this little thing?

It's like that time I went into a gas station bathroom without no shoes or socks, and people got all riled up. They wuz pitchin' to throw a fit! I's a good mom, and I's gonna be sexy again once I lose this pregancy weight. And K-Fed's gonna be a famous rap artist. But I'll always be famouser. And when I drop my weight and be's all purdy again, I'll be famouser than Jessica Simpson again. She don't have no baby! She just gots a dog and she's getting a divorce, y'all! I's married AND has me a baby!