So the razor, but not the shampoo?
So I had a discussion yesterday on what exactly I can and cannot carry onto a flight. I couldn't remember if I was allowed to bring my nice big bottle of saline solution or if I was going to need to go buy a smaller thing of it. This story is off to a kick-ass start, am I right?
I went online to check to see how small (or big, for the Pollyanna's out there) any of my little travel things can be. Three ounces, just FYI. How big is that, by the way? Damn, and it's ounces, too, so I can't make my snide comment on how the dumb Europeans mess everything up with their stupid metric system. Ounces are all us, and I really can't picture 3 liquid ounces. Hmm.
Anyways, then I got to thinking if my liquid foundation counts. Because according to its packaging, it's four ounces. Do you think I'll get bumped for taking an extra ounce of my Clinique foundation with SPF 15? Wow. This isn't where this post was going. I was going to mock the TSA website for this their nice little summary on why specific items are banned or limited in carry-ons:
The ban on liquids, aerosols and gels was implemented on August 10 after a terrorist plot was foiled. Since then, experts from around the government, including the FBI and our national labs have analyzed the information we now have and have conducted extensive explosives testing to get a better understanding of this specific threat.
Favorite part? Besides the horrible passive voice in sentence one, how much do we love "After a terrorist plot was foiled"? Foiled? As in thwarted? As in, "I'll get you, Batman, if it's the last thing I do!" Could the TSA have come up with something besides a cliche from the 1950s? Is Mugsy running the TSA with Maxwell Smart heading up the x-ray check-points to dash the clever ruse of those evil terrorists? Ah, foiled by the old bomb-in-the-3.5-ounce-mouthwash-trick again. The swan swims at midnight, but Peter finds a friend in the old barn by the river.
I also enjoy the "experts from around the government, including the FBI." I prefer to think that it's just the "experts" from the USDA or the USPS. Actually, the post office people probably are experts. And how much fun would it be to conduct "extensive explosives testing"? No? Just me? I think I'm a bad-ass when I get a sparkler on the Fourth of July, so I'm guessing I would be in seventh heaven if I got to conduct "extensive explosives testing."
If I make a joke about "extensive explosives testing" at the airport, how delayed do you think I'll be? I'm guessing just enough to miss Scrubs, but not enough to get the "fun" search. Any takers?
I went online to check to see how small (or big, for the Pollyanna's out there) any of my little travel things can be. Three ounces, just FYI. How big is that, by the way? Damn, and it's ounces, too, so I can't make my snide comment on how the dumb Europeans mess everything up with their stupid metric system. Ounces are all us, and I really can't picture 3 liquid ounces. Hmm.
Anyways, then I got to thinking if my liquid foundation counts. Because according to its packaging, it's four ounces. Do you think I'll get bumped for taking an extra ounce of my Clinique foundation with SPF 15? Wow. This isn't where this post was going. I was going to mock the TSA website for this their nice little summary on why specific items are banned or limited in carry-ons:
The ban on liquids, aerosols and gels was implemented on August 10 after a terrorist plot was foiled. Since then, experts from around the government, including the FBI and our national labs have analyzed the information we now have and have conducted extensive explosives testing to get a better understanding of this specific threat.
Favorite part? Besides the horrible passive voice in sentence one, how much do we love "After a terrorist plot was foiled"? Foiled? As in thwarted? As in, "I'll get you, Batman, if it's the last thing I do!" Could the TSA have come up with something besides a cliche from the 1950s? Is Mugsy running the TSA with Maxwell Smart heading up the x-ray check-points to dash the clever ruse of those evil terrorists? Ah, foiled by the old bomb-in-the-3.5-ounce-mouthwash-trick again. The swan swims at midnight, but Peter finds a friend in the old barn by the river.
I also enjoy the "experts from around the government, including the FBI." I prefer to think that it's just the "experts" from the USDA or the USPS. Actually, the post office people probably are experts. And how much fun would it be to conduct "extensive explosives testing"? No? Just me? I think I'm a bad-ass when I get a sparkler on the Fourth of July, so I'm guessing I would be in seventh heaven if I got to conduct "extensive explosives testing."
If I make a joke about "extensive explosives testing" at the airport, how delayed do you think I'll be? I'm guessing just enough to miss Scrubs, but not enough to get the "fun" search. Any takers?
posted by Ace | 6:18 AM
2 Comments:
Holy foaming shaving cream, Batman!
We tried to take a half-empty 6 oz tube of tooth paste on the plane. It was confiscated. So apparantly it's all about the size of the container, not the amount of stuff... I doubt they'll do anything about the extra ounce of Clinique.
I HIGHLY reccommend you do NOT make any references to explosives in the airport. VERY bad things happen....speaking from experience here. You WILL be subjected to a search and serious questioning. I don't want to see your trip get foiled by a TSA agent...
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