Little 'Cilla needs a home
Thank God the elections are over. It is official, because Stephen Colbert called it. As fun as all of those campaign commercials were--and they were only in the best competitive spirits and not at all unnecessarily nasty--we're done for a few years.
And by few years, I mean any second now since people are already looking to the 2008 election. Some people have already thrown their hats in the ring.* To me, this is like stores decorating for Christmas the second Halloween is over. When really they should all be focused on my birthday. And shouldn't we all be focused on that?
Speaking of my birthday, as some of you know--thanks to the beauty of voice-mail and the persistency that is Ace--I have found what I want for my half-birthday/Christmas. A long-haired Chihuahua. That's right, this girly-dog. I want it. And they are expensive, so please to be donating to the Ace Dog Fund.**
Seriously, I saw one at the hair-stylist the other day and now I want one. Now I know what arguments you are all going to use in your lame-assed excuse to not give me money, that I'm not the best dog owner, that I travel too much and am gone for too long in the day, that I will only want the dog for the first week and then I'll grow tired of it (whom I've name 'Cilla, by the way) and try to pawn her off on one of you, that all the other dogs will mock it for being so dumb-looking, that my cat will smother it with her fat-skirt***, blah, blah, blah.
And you are all wrong. And by wrong, I mean 100% correct. Yet, I still want one. So, I think you should all chip in, and you can call it a celebration over the election results.**** The Democrats won, and Ace got a puppy. And everyone is happy. Hop to.
*Whew, how Idaho am I that I just used that phrase?
**Tax-deductible, I'm sure, if you make the checks out to me.
***She does have one. It is not as attractive as you may think.
****See ya, Rumsfeld
And by few years, I mean any second now since people are already looking to the 2008 election. Some people have already thrown their hats in the ring.* To me, this is like stores decorating for Christmas the second Halloween is over. When really they should all be focused on my birthday. And shouldn't we all be focused on that?
Speaking of my birthday, as some of you know--thanks to the beauty of voice-mail and the persistency that is Ace--I have found what I want for my half-birthday/Christmas. A long-haired Chihuahua. That's right, this girly-dog. I want it. And they are expensive, so please to be donating to the Ace Dog Fund.**
Seriously, I saw one at the hair-stylist the other day and now I want one. Now I know what arguments you are all going to use in your lame-assed excuse to not give me money, that I'm not the best dog owner, that I travel too much and am gone for too long in the day, that I will only want the dog for the first week and then I'll grow tired of it (whom I've name 'Cilla, by the way) and try to pawn her off on one of you, that all the other dogs will mock it for being so dumb-looking, that my cat will smother it with her fat-skirt***, blah, blah, blah.
And you are all wrong. And by wrong, I mean 100% correct. Yet, I still want one. So, I think you should all chip in, and you can call it a celebration over the election results.**** The Democrats won, and Ace got a puppy. And everyone is happy. Hop to.
*Whew, how Idaho am I that I just used that phrase?
**Tax-deductible, I'm sure, if you make the checks out to me.
***She does have one. It is not as attractive as you may think.
****See ya, Rumsfeld
posted by Ace | 4:26 PM
4 Comments:
Didn't you already name your plant 'Cilla???
I think you should get a dog, because I know 2 dogs who think you are the best dog-sitter ever.
Damn. I forgot about that plant. That I killed. But the new 'Cilla would be like a tribute to the plant. As well as a tribute to the crazy that lives in my house.
And flattering me as the best dog-sitter ever is unneeded, since you already bought me off with my Elvis memento.
And I notice how neither of you has floated a check my way . . .
To be fair, you told us no check. You can try the dogs though.
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