Things Only Ace Thinks About

Sometimes my life is boring. Sometimes it's interesting. Usually it's more often the former and not so much the latter. Sometimes I can make it through my day only by pretending I have a documentary crew following me around, and that's when I'm glad that my inner-monologue cannot be heard by others. Everyone thinks like this, yes? And everyone loves Elvis, and the Brady Bunch, and Stephen King, and birthdays, right?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Why do I have to take my shoes off?

Since I've been traveling quite a bit over the last few weeks, I have come to view myself as a pseudo-expert in the traveling arena. I have come up with my "Top 5 Traveling Tips" to help out anyone who has an airport in their foreseeable future. I like to be helpful.

1. Never, ever fly on Southwest. If there were awards for the airline with the most window-lickers employed, Southwest would win hands-down. But there their success ends. First, they have no clue what that thing on the wall is or how it works. You know that thing, the round object with numbers 1 through 12 on it, and two hands that move around?

I like to call this a "clock." And in America we use "clocks" to tell "time." Thus, if my ticket has a "time" on it, I would use said "clock" to figure out when this "time" is, and when my flight will be taking off. Southwest apparently just randomly prints out numbers on their tickets with no regard for the clock. And their peanuts suck. And open seating sucks. And their overhead lights suck. And I'm sticking to Delta, thank you very much.

2. If a man invites you to be his sixth partner for entrance into the mile-high club, say no. No. No. No. Unless he's super-hot, or you're super-bored. Luckily for me, he failed on this account and I had a book to read.

3. Don't buy black luggage. You and the other 40 million people at the luggage carousel all have impeccable taste, sure, but is it really worth it to have to grab every bag that comes by you in the vain hopes that this black bag out of 5 ka-billion might be yours? Not so much.

4. Make plans or do some research for the city you're going to. I wasted a good 75 minutes wandering around downtown Phoenix trying to find a good bookstore (and feeling not a bit guilty that I wasn't at the conference). My mission was a failure, but I was able to people-watch. Quick question: when did denim shorts with a crease in the front stage a comeback in men's fashion? Or is that just in Phoenix? It's a sexy look, especially when teamed up with ultra-white legs, black socks, and sandals.

5. I don't have a fifth tip, but "Top 5 Traveling Tips" sounds better than "Top 4 Traveling Tips." Right?

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

how do u afford all these flights? and Has anyone eveer gone down on u?

10:53 AM  

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