Gorillas, and dinos, and boredom. Oh my!
So I went to King Kong last night and have decided to review it. If you don't have time to read the whole post, I can sum it up for you in one sentence. It sucks. Hard. (Ok, that was two sentences.)
Before I begin my review, let me just preface this by saying that I never saw the original. But if it's half as retarded as this one, I'm ok with that. And I don't care if I reveal intricate plot twists in this review. Also, *spoiler alert*, Kong dies at the end. Sorry if this ruined it for everyone.
First, the movie is three hours long. When the final credits rolled, the first thing I said to Maryanne and Sarah was, "You know what that movie needed? An editor." I'm pretty sure a lot could have been cut from that film. The fight with the Tyrannosaurus Rex was faaaaar too long. And boring. Just kill the damn things.
It's sad when my favorite part of the movie is the candy I purchased at the concession stand. I do love me some Raisinettes. No, wait, I take that back. My favorite part of the movie is when Jack Black announces, "I am touching The Beast." I was the only one in the theatre who snickered at that.
Let's see, back to the dinosaurs. There were a lot in the movie, and the genius behind me kept announcing what each of them was. "That's a Triceratops." "Oooh, there's a Stegosaurus." "Hey, they put in a Brontosaurus."
Thanks, jackassosaurus. Very impressive that you know your dinosaurs. Your third grade teacher is smiling somewhere that you remember them from the retarded film strip we all had to watch. Loser.
And what was up with Naomi Watts putting her hand over her chest when she said, "Beautiful," to Kong? And then he repeated the motion back to her later. Is Kong Koko? Was she teaching him to sign?
Here's what I learned from the movie: Gorillas like blondes, vaudeville acts, and sunrises. Kong probably also likes long walks on the beach.
Me, I like pina coladas.
And getting caught in the rain.
So, my overall on the movie is that you probably don't need to see it. Jack Black was its only redeeming quality, and even he wasn't that good in it. Miscast, but I love him so I don't care. So because of him, I give King Kong this final grade: in his paraphrased words, this movie passed. But just barely. Know what it got? F+. Click.
Before I begin my review, let me just preface this by saying that I never saw the original. But if it's half as retarded as this one, I'm ok with that. And I don't care if I reveal intricate plot twists in this review. Also, *spoiler alert*, Kong dies at the end. Sorry if this ruined it for everyone.
First, the movie is three hours long. When the final credits rolled, the first thing I said to Maryanne and Sarah was, "You know what that movie needed? An editor." I'm pretty sure a lot could have been cut from that film. The fight with the Tyrannosaurus Rex was faaaaar too long. And boring. Just kill the damn things.
It's sad when my favorite part of the movie is the candy I purchased at the concession stand. I do love me some Raisinettes. No, wait, I take that back. My favorite part of the movie is when Jack Black announces, "I am touching The Beast." I was the only one in the theatre who snickered at that.
Let's see, back to the dinosaurs. There were a lot in the movie, and the genius behind me kept announcing what each of them was. "That's a Triceratops." "Oooh, there's a Stegosaurus." "Hey, they put in a Brontosaurus."
Thanks, jackassosaurus. Very impressive that you know your dinosaurs. Your third grade teacher is smiling somewhere that you remember them from the retarded film strip we all had to watch. Loser.
And what was up with Naomi Watts putting her hand over her chest when she said, "Beautiful," to Kong? And then he repeated the motion back to her later. Is Kong Koko? Was she teaching him to sign?
Here's what I learned from the movie: Gorillas like blondes, vaudeville acts, and sunrises. Kong probably also likes long walks on the beach.
Me, I like pina coladas.
And getting caught in the rain.
So, my overall on the movie is that you probably don't need to see it. Jack Black was its only redeeming quality, and even he wasn't that good in it. Miscast, but I love him so I don't care. So because of him, I give King Kong this final grade: in his paraphrased words, this movie passed. But just barely. Know what it got? F+. Click.
posted by Ace | 9:28 AM
5 Comments:
uhhhhmmmm there are lotsa dinosors in the first KING KONG movie.... sounds like philbin told a titty fib
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
My favorite part is when Kong kills the T-Rex by pulling its mouth open.
A T-Rex is a "dinosor" which there are "lotsa" in the original.
Ok, seriously, I can't spell, even worse when I'm drunk, but I still know how to spell dinosaur! And, am I really thick, or even after being posted a second time does this 'philbin' comment still not make any sense????
On this site, Maz, we don't judge people for their stupidity. If people are morons, that is their right. And if they feel the need to express their idiotic opinions (not once, but twice), we should all be accepting. And if someone wants to talk about Philbin and his "titty fibs", then that is his right as a retard.
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