Fatty
As you can see from the picture, I have a little dog. And by little dog, I mean a dog who is eight pounds overweight. She weighs 33 pounds, and is supposed to weigh 25. That’s more than 25% overweight. That’s like someone who is supposed to weigh 150 weighing around 200. I don’t think she looks fat, but some of my friends consistently mock her. And take very unflattering pictures of her. Ok, she does look fat. I just glanced down at her sleeping by my feet and her head looks incredibly small on her bloated body.
Anyways, back to my dog. I’ll call her Silver, because I can. And I want to protect her innocence. Silver is a mix between a Boston terrier and a Boxer. She’s very cute—in a fat, neurotic, bulge-y eyes, sort of way—except for her weight problem, which I say gives her personality. Silver is almost six years old and I’ve had her since she was six weeks old. She’s very attached to me. And I don’t know if the word “very” actually conveys it. She’s a little neurotic and co-dependent. But again, I don’t think “little” is doing justice here. I don’t like to travel with Silver (a. because I don’t like my car to smell of fat dog and b. because she’s sometimes turns into Pukey Silver and I don’t consider that polite travel behavior in my traveling companions) and since I leave town most weekends, Silver has to go to her dog-sitter. Her dog-sitter is another student in my department who loves her. A lot. Sometimes she dresses Silver in an NFL team sweater and handkerchief. I do not approve, but if it gets Silver a home to stay at for the weekend, I am willing to overlook the stupidity of this.
Ok, so when I leave town apparently Silver has a break-down. It doesn’t last the whole weekend, but she does sit by the door and cry for a few minutes. Sometimes she starts to shake, like it’s either too cold or she’s having a seizure. And when I come home, she usually has what Don and Mike would refer to as an “Oopsie,” because she is so excited to see me. Not an attractive feature in a dog.
Silver’s problems don’t end there, though. Apparently my sweet little angel is also sexually confused, as well as species confused. She has an obsession with my female cat. The poor cat has to suffer through Silver’s daily “rambunctiousness.” Of course, I sometimes catch them in “the act," so perhaps I too deserve some sympathy. I don't think words can actually convey how disturbing it is to see your little dog going to town on a cat. And don't get your hopes up, because there will be no pictures of this posted here. It's not that kind of site. At least not yet.
Do other people go through this with their pets, or is it just me? I mean, look at the picture. She's chewing on her leash. I don't know if this is her way of telling me she would rather not be on her leash, or if she's just hungry. It is not natural for dogs to be neurotic, is it?
Anyways, back to my dog. I’ll call her Silver, because I can. And I want to protect her innocence. Silver is a mix between a Boston terrier and a Boxer. She’s very cute—in a fat, neurotic, bulge-y eyes, sort of way—except for her weight problem, which I say gives her personality. Silver is almost six years old and I’ve had her since she was six weeks old. She’s very attached to me. And I don’t know if the word “very” actually conveys it. She’s a little neurotic and co-dependent. But again, I don’t think “little” is doing justice here. I don’t like to travel with Silver (a. because I don’t like my car to smell of fat dog and b. because she’s sometimes turns into Pukey Silver and I don’t consider that polite travel behavior in my traveling companions) and since I leave town most weekends, Silver has to go to her dog-sitter. Her dog-sitter is another student in my department who loves her. A lot. Sometimes she dresses Silver in an NFL team sweater and handkerchief. I do not approve, but if it gets Silver a home to stay at for the weekend, I am willing to overlook the stupidity of this.
Ok, so when I leave town apparently Silver has a break-down. It doesn’t last the whole weekend, but she does sit by the door and cry for a few minutes. Sometimes she starts to shake, like it’s either too cold or she’s having a seizure. And when I come home, she usually has what Don and Mike would refer to as an “Oopsie,” because she is so excited to see me. Not an attractive feature in a dog.
Silver’s problems don’t end there, though. Apparently my sweet little angel is also sexually confused, as well as species confused. She has an obsession with my female cat. The poor cat has to suffer through Silver’s daily “rambunctiousness.” Of course, I sometimes catch them in “the act," so perhaps I too deserve some sympathy. I don't think words can actually convey how disturbing it is to see your little dog going to town on a cat. And don't get your hopes up, because there will be no pictures of this posted here. It's not that kind of site. At least not yet.
Do other people go through this with their pets, or is it just me? I mean, look at the picture. She's chewing on her leash. I don't know if this is her way of telling me she would rather not be on her leash, or if she's just hungry. It is not natural for dogs to be neurotic, is it?
posted by Ace | 8:02 PM
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